This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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