His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
