its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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