why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
