I'm drive I can fine osifer
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize