I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize