so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
