so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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