soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
