she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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