I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
