We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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