i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I wish there were birth control emojis
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Who died my cat blue again?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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