Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
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