I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
