dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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