You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I think my vagina is haunted
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize