i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
