Plan B is the new Plan A
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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