so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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