I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
