if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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