If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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