Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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