There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
