i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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