I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize