Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
