I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
