Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
