Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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