Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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