Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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