No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
