I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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