I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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