Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize