the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
