I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
