: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I think I died a long time ago.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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