can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
