Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
