Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
