mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
