In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
