If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
