Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
