Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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