Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
