He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
