trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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