highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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