4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
