apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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