Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
