Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She announced her abortion via fbk
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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