Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
