I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
