My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Sorry my hands just texted you
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
