I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize