That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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