we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
