how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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