we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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