No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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