Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
