Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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