Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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