Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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