Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize