I'm jealous of your bromance
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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