my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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